We never hand the angry man a second chair.

I still don’t have all the answers. I’m more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.
-Charlie Sheen

I’m going to start this off with a bit of a confession, and an apology. First, I am sorry that I haven’t updated in forever. Life has been crazy for the last little while, and its finally starting to calm down. Secondly, I have to confess, that I am slightly addicted to watching the show Anger Management.

Growing up, I loved Charlie Sheen. When Two and a Half Men started, I used to try and stay up every week to watch it. Spoiler alert, until probably season 3, that never worked. Even though he played a womanizer, there was sometimes a little nugget of wisdom that Charlie said, that stuck with me.

When I was looking for a quote to put into a letter this morning, I came across the one at the top. Lately, my big problem has been wanting to figure out exactly what I want to do RIGHT NOW, instead of waiting. The thing is, as someone special, pointed out to me, is that I need to be patient. And when the time is right for the plans to make sense, they will.

I think I have the answers, and I know where I want to end up – I just don’t want to come across as cliche… Because well, then it would be cliche. As long as I end up with the person that means the most to me, making a difference in this crazy world and serving God. Then I think that my life will be fulfilled. The place doesn’t matter to me. It’s the what, and the who that matters.

So while I may not know everything in the future, I promise that it’ll be an adventure.

we should hang out sometime.
bless bless
xx

N

I’m weird.

Hey world, it’s Sunday.

 
I am weird. 
 
I tried to think of another way to word that statement, but there really isn’t one. I am unbelievably weird.
 
I sing along (badly) to music in the shower (Which then brings up the point that I can’t shower without music playing… It’s a comfort thing). I’m always biting my lip, usually when I’m thinking hard or frustrated. I tend to be sarcastic often, and I use it as a defence mechanism because I’m scared of what others think about me. I apologize for EVERYTHING (even if it wasn’t my fault). 
 
I can be loud… Or I could be silent. I am always moving, even when I’m asleep. I can sleep pretty much everywhere. I like to lip sync, because it allows me to live in my own dream world. And I day dream a lot, from things I am worried about, to days that I hope to be the happiest of my life.
 
I’m kinda chunky. Scratch that, I am chunky. And I mess with my hair way too much. And I have self image issues… But I’m trying to move past that.
 
The thing is… none of that stuff really matters. Yeah, I am weird. But, I have some of the greatest people around me and support me no matter what. And that’s how I know that I am truly lucky.
 
Those things that I think are weird, some people might think are awesome. We weren’t made to be cookie cutter copy cats of one another. We are supposed to be different. And we’re supposed to embrace those differences.
 
If there is someone out there reading this, who feels unloved or hated because they are different or weird – I want to tell you that’s not the case. I don’t care if you are covered in tattoos or are a closet nose picker – I. Love. You. Even if I have never met you,  I love you. 
 
You are who you are, and you deserved to be loved because your awesome.
 
so, we should hang out sometime.
xx
 
(ps: I love you all.)

my new dream

Rapunzel: I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be? 
Flynn Rider: It will be. 
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then? 
Flynn Rider: Well,that’s the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

Hey world, it’s Thursday!

So recently, I saw the movie Tangled for the first time. And yes, I am aware that it’s like almost three years old. And yes, I am a big Disney movie fan… So really, I have no excuse as to why I haven’t watched this movie until now. But, now that I’ve watched this – I can say how much I loved it. (Seriously, one of my top Disney movies from the last five years).

As I was watching it though, I felt myself connecting to Rapunzel in a lot of ways. Now, I’m not saying I have 70 foot long hair, and I definitely didn’t grow up in an ivory tower. What I am saying, is like Rapunzel, I’m a dreamer. I’m a little bit naive. But, when it comes down to it? I stand up for what I believe in, or for those that can’t speak for themselves.

I wasn’t always the best at standing up for myself, or others for a long time though. Having been bullied throughout school and my private life – I was more content to hide in the background, keeping to myself. I didn’t want to draw more attention to myself. That’s the old Nicky, though. This is going to sound SO cliche, but when I hear stories of people going through what I did – it breaks my heart. No one, and I mean NO ONE deserves to be bullied because of their weight, appearance, religious beliefs or anything. It’s not cool. It never will be.

Rapunzel is a dreamer. I’m a dreamer. And while my dreams sometimes tend to drift off into romantic land, sometimes they revolve around a world where bullying doesn’t exist. Where everyone is on equal footing.

we should hangout sometime.
xx

happy new year

Image

hey world, its tuesday!

I always say that Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year, but truthfully I love the start of the New Year.

This year, the new adventures of 2013 seemed to start a few days early. Not only did I get the MRI that I had been waiting for (and would still be waiting for, did I mention I LOVE cancellation lists?), but for the first time in quite sometime – I was relaxed. It seems like things are finally starting to fall into place.

I have been incredibly blessed this year to have some of the most wonderful friends in the world. To meet some incredible friends, and to grow closer with some very special people in my life.

I don’t know what kinds of things that this year will hold. I know that I want to continue on my journey to be a healthier me, and have more awesome adventures. Maybe travel some more (I have one trip in mind already…). The point is, I’m not going to let the little things bring me down. I will keep aiming to be the best I can be.

Happy New Years guys!
we should hangout sometime.

xx

project for awesome

hey world, it’s sunday 🙂

It’s also the day before the project for awesome 2012! If you don’t know what that is, I’ll post a link to the website and other p4a goodness down below.

This is the first year that I have gotten involved in making a video. In the past I have spent the p4a day watching videos and learning about all the different things – but a part of me still felt that there was more that I could do. So this year, when someone in the Edmonton Nerdfighter Group suggested that we make a p4a video, I volunteered to help, even though after some negative experiences on YouTube, I wasn’t too keen on being in front of the camera. I knew that I wanted to do something though.

So, I joined with some of the awesome Edmonton Nerdfighters (seriously, they are a fantastic group), and yesterday we made a video to support the Youth Empowerment and Support Services (YESS). And I want to urge you guys, that if you live here – please do your part and support a really amazing group that is doing everything they can to support of the youth in our city. I’m looking to make a donation of some of the items they need to help out these teens – I’ll post the list at the end of this – and if you want to help me, let me know! My goal is to take the donations down just after the New Year.

The one thing I want to ask, is that tomorrow PLEASE check out some of the p4a videos, share them and comment on them! These things will have an impact and will spread the word about some amazing organizati0ns not only here, but around the world!

Thanks guys!
we should hang out sometime.

-n

Project for Awesome goodness:

Project for Awesome website:
http://projectforawesome.com

Project for Awesome wiki:
http://dft.ba/-P4awiki

Project for Awesome tumblr:
http://dft.ba/p4a-tumblr

YESS’ items that are needed:
http://dft.ba/-YESSdonations

Make a monetary donation to YESS:
http://dft.ba/-YESSmonetarydonations

praise god, we don’t have to hide scars.

Praise God we don’t have to hide scars
They just strengthen our wounds, and they soften our hearts.
They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are
So praise God, praise God we don’t have to hide scars

– “Scars” by Jonny Diaz

happy monday world!

So, when I was at work late last week, a customer asked me about the song above. They couldn’t remember the name – but knew that it mentioned, “Praise God we don’t have to hide scars.” Well, in the interested of trying to find that song for the customer, I began to google search. And, even though I found the song, I wasn’t able to get it for the customer (unfortunately), something about the song title stuck with me.

When I got home after church yesterday, I was reminded of that song title again. I wasn’t particularly in the best mood yesterday, and wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with a giant bag of chips, a 2 litre of soda and chocolate – three things that I have given up, in an attempt to get to a healthier version of me. Because that’s what I do, I turn to bad food when I’m upset because I know it will always be there. Instead of reaching for the chips though, I grabbed some almonds and instead of the soda, I had some tea. (I kinda still had the chocolate, it was a chocolate chai tea – which is AWESOME).

I decided then, I needed to look this song up, and see why it stuck with me. And as I listened to it, the words kind of struck a chord with me.

A lot of the things that upset me lately, are things in the past. Things that I can’t change, but still blame myself for. My scars might not be physical, but are emotional ones and those take time to heal. But I don’t need to hide when things upset me, or be ashamed of my scars.

And like the song says, it reminds me of where I was… But not where I am or where I am headed. It’s not always going to be easy, but I know that someone will catch me when I fall 😉
we should hangout sometime 🙂
xx

Note after the fact: after I wrote this, but before I published it – I broke down and had some chips 😐 live and learn I suppose.

Three

happy Sunday world!

In three days, I am going to start to get my life back on track. Not even just physically, but emotionally. I’m going to make those stride to get healthy again, and to cut a lot of the negativity out of my life. I started to make some of those changes last summer, but slipped back into some bad habits (ie: eating out way too much, too much junk food… the list goes on and on).

I’m 22 years old, and honestly, I am sick and tired, of feeling sick and tired. I didn’t know why I originally started to put on weight (I do know now), but I shouldn’t have used that as an excuse. Once I figured out what it was, I should have got my life back on track.

That was then.

As I am writing this, I am in the progress of making a list of goals that I want to complete over the next little while. Some of the things, I know will be hard (like sticking to this, or making some other life choices). But no matter how nervous, or scared I am, I know that I can do this. That I WILL do this.

Three more days. Hopefully, this silly cold is gone by then.
Not that it really matters.

we should hang out sometime.
xx,
n

bad luck? I has it.

happy thursday world!
greetings once again from my little corner of the world. I’m not going to lie to you guys, these last few days have been rather unlucky… But let’s not get in to that? It’s a long, weird story that I still don’t understand.

Tonight has been marginally better than overall the last few weeks have been. I made some hard decisions, and decided to cut a few of the bad things out of my life – all with the purpose to move on and focus on getting me to where I need to be to make a difference.

Some of you know about the project I want to do. The vast majority of you don’t. (Ill post a link at the bottom). But I wrote a post for it, that at the moment I’m very unsure about posting. It’s more personal than anything I have written before, and I’m worried about how people are going to react. Do I post it anyways? And try not worry about what the reaction will be or do I leave it for now… Even though I know it’s a message I need to say.

It’s kind of a conundrum.

we should hang out sometime.
xx,
n.

My Project